Going Private, December 1st

After much thought and consideration, we have decided to make our blog private. Also, out of respect for our family’s decision please do NOT post pictures of our family on your blog, Facebook, or any other website without our permission. We are so appreciative of everyone who has encouraged us and prayed for us in our journey to Titus, and we look forward to continuing to share our lives with you. In order to continue reading our blog, please leave us a comment (under this post ONLY) and include your email address if you would like an invitation to continue reading. Or for your privacy, you may send us an email so you can be added to the list of readers.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding!

National Adoption Awareness Month

It's wonderful to me that National Adoption Awareness Month also falls in the same month as Thanksgiving! I have much to be thankful for, and this year I'm especially thankful for my son, who made me a mama through the miracle of adoption.

I remember so clearly the night I knew in my heart that adoption was our path to parenthood. We were in the midst of painful infertility treatments, but there was no peace in it. Something was missing. While, Kevin and I had always been open to adoption, there always seemed to be a million hurdles in the way, or rather excuses for why it wasn't the perfect time in our lives. I remember the night we finally allowed all the excuses dissipate, and like a ton of bricks falling on me, God's grace fell on my heart. I sat and sobbed quietly in the dark, knowing that I had found relief from the pain that had been gnawing at my soul. Our biological hopes and dreams might be put on hold, but not the dream for a family.

Adoption is a miracle of God's grace. It is the chance to bring family to a child who needs family, love to someone who is hurting, and permanence to a life that needs stability. It is not stealing or buying or doing a humanitarian act. It simply is love. Adoption was not a cop out for us. It was not a last resort. It was not Plan B. It was God's plan. In fact, I'd do it all again a thousand times over, struggle with the pain and anger, the hurt and wondering because I KNOW that Titus was meant to be our son.

When we allow God to become part of our lives, when we get to the place where we accept that we need to change our lives to mirror Jesus, then we become adopted into God's family. Adoption into God's family is not about what we can do or what we've done, it's about WHO God is, and WHAT HE has done. He gave everything up just for you and me. He opens his arms wide to accept us for who we are, flaws and all.

Adoption is not a second rate way to become a family. It is a first rate way of experiencing true grace and love.

Thank you, Father for allowing us to see a glimpse of your heart through this beautiful miracle. We are blessed beyond measure!

Keepsake

Right after we received Titus' referral, we sent a care package to THOGL, which contained several items for him. During our stay in Taiwan, Bev lovingly returned all the items we had sent for him to take home as keepsakes. When we returned home, I put everything away for him, but decided to wash the outfit before placing it with the other keepsakes. Since it seems like I'm always busy rushing around anymore, I hadn't taken the time to put the outfit away with his other keepsakes but rather hung it up in his closet thinking nothing more about it.

Saturday mornings are generally Daddy and Titus time since I normally am at church attending a Bible study or another event. This past weekend was no exception. When I came home I saw that Kevin had dressed him in his little red outfit since it was a rather warm day.

October 23, 2010

Needless to say, I got so choked up seeing Titus in this outfit. Now, I'm normally not that sentimental of a person when it comes to clothing, but this is one very special outfit to me. One, Kevin and I had lovingly chosen and purchased this outfit specifically for Titus. Two, I didn't even know he could still wear the little 0-3 month outfit. And, three we have no less than 75+ pictures of him in this sweet little red outfit during his time in Taiwan. This outfit will always hold a special place in my heart!

First picture we received of Titus in his new outfit May 2010

Happy Eight Months!

My Titus Andrew,

Has another month already come and gone? I know I say this every month, and will probably continue, but I wish I could stop time and savor each precious moment with you. You are growing and changing so quickly. I want to keep a snapshot of each moment, stage, personality and idiosyncrasy in my mind.

If there was ever a snapshot moment when I knew that our lives had changed completely, it was the other day when I observed you and your daddy playing. I watched Daddy playing, laughing, and explaining basketball to you and there was a look of pride and excitement on his face that I have never seen before. I watched you jabbering and laughing and enjoying this special one-on-one daddy time and my heart swelled with love. Then you both laid down on the floor, you laying on his chest, with one arm casually draped across him, and I just thought, wow, our lives are forever changed!

I know this sounds silly. There have been so many more obvious clues than that that our lives have been slightly altered. Not sleeping for a consecutive 8-10 hours at a stretch could have been an indicator. The frequent visits to your changing table and the smell of dirty diapers. The sound of your cry etched in my memory so deep, that sometimes I hear phantom cries. All these things may have shouted at me that I have a finally baby, but frankly, I think I was a little too sleep-deprived for it all to sink in.

In that seemingly routine moment in our living room, though, it was as if the fog around me lifted and I woke from a dream. Before then, it was a though I was watching some other exhausted, confused couple fumble their way through caring for you. You, Titus have changed our lives forever. Your daddy has so much more to teach you and share with you. I can't wait to watch God continue to knit your hearts together and catch the snapshots of our family unfold.

Some fun facts about you:

• You weigh approximately 15 pounds.
  
• You wear 3-6 month clothes and size 2 shoes.
  
• Your favorite songs are Jesus Love Me, Happy All the Time, and our special Good Morning song
  
• You are still working hard to trying to figure out how to crawl, but getting better each week.
  
• You pulled yourself up for the first time this month. And, you balanced yourself while holding onto your Sports Center. What a big boy!
  
• You now have 4 teeth-two top and two bottom.
  
• Your new favorite toys are your Sports Center and your Dino
• Your favorite book is Barn Yard Dance by Sandra Boynton
• You love being outside playing in the leaves, sitting in your stroller on walks, and watching Mama blow bubbles for you.
• You are babbling more. You say Dada-but we aren't sure that you "know" what you are saying. Time will tell...
  

I love you little mister man and I hope you will always know how much I love you. Never forget we are family and we love you more than life.

Family Pictures

My sweet friend, Stacy, took pictures of us in the park last weekend.  She did a beautiful job and we couldn't be happier with the pictures she captured for us!

Here are our favorite shots:

Titus' Trick

Thanks Cousin Braxton for letting me take one of your toys home this weekend!

I think I'm really going to enjoy playing basketball.

Gotta get the ball.

I think I have this figured out.
Boy, this is going to be fun!

What, you didn't know I could pull myself up?

Are you ready for another trick?
Ta-da, look Mama one hand!

Totaled

Well, it's official, the insurance world is totaling our car. With $9,000+ worth a damage it's not cost effective to fix. We are so thankful that Titus and I walked away without a scratch. Thank you, Father for your hand of protection!

Happy 40th Anniversary!

My parents gave me many things growing up; shelter, food and love. All the things you need to grow and live. But one of the best gifts they gave me was their love for each other. Their relationship is and has been a wonderful example of steadfastness, sacrifice, compromise, devotion, and commitment.

Thank you, Mom & Dad, for choosing to honor your vows through all these years. I love you both so dearly and treasure the gift of your marriage.

Happy 40th Anniversary!

40 years ago

Today

It's offical

Titus Andrew Wolfe is a citizen of the United States of America as of August 25, 2010.

God is my refuge and strength

The last few weeks have been trying and stressful at the Wolfe home. God knows what is best, we do not. He understands the whole picture, and we can only see what is right in front of our faces. Even when we go along with him kicking and screaming, and none of it makes sense in our little minds- we just have to trust and rely on His strength. That is where I am right now.

Two weeks ago, Kevin was diagnosed with an abscess that was also staph infected. To further complicate and make the situation even more stressful, our doctor thought there was a 98% chance it was MRSA. As soon as Kevin called me after his doctor appointment to report his diagnosis I began spending hours researching staph infection and MRSA: administering herbs, vitamins, topical ointments, and of course his prescribed antibiotic, scrubbing the house, keeping Titus fairly far away from Kevin, taking every crazy precaution I could, and praying for God’s healing hand to cover our family. Based on my research and our doctor’s professional opinion things did not look positive. However, God is God and we are praising Him that Kevin is healthy, avoided a hospital stay, and is no longer infectious. What a mighty God we serve!

Also, during the same week our license plate was stolen off of our car. Seriously?!? It was stolen right in front of where we live. After filing a police report, dealing with paperwork, hoopla at the DMV we still do not have a license plate.

Two days ago Titus and I went to visit my parents (in the car without the license plate) we had a wonderful time. We had one last stop and then my parents and I departed ways; them south and Titus and me north. I was on the overpass waiting for oncoming traffic to clear so I could turn on to the highway, when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a car coming up behind me way too quickly. I braced myself for what I knew was coming and then felt the impact. Titus cried the most horrific guttural scream, one I’ve NEVER heard from him before, and one that I hope and pray I NEVER hear again. I saw his pacifier fly past my head, bounce off the front windshield, and land somewhere behind me. The world stopped. The only thing I cared about was to get to Titus. I had to stop and make myself remember how to put the car in park. People were screaming, “Are you okay?”, I don’t know, I don’t care, I just wanted to get to Titus. I fumbled for my phone to called my dad, “Get back here NOW, we’ve been rear-ended”. I finally managed to get Titus out of his car seat and checked him head to toe. He looked all right, just scared. All I could do was hold him, try not to shake and cry and thank God he seemed to be okay. All the while, trying not to let my brain think about what might have been...

Once Titus was calmed down some, I was able to check on the woman who hit us, and look at the damage done to the car. She was upset, crying and 31 weeks pregnant. I reassured her we seemed to be fine, but she needed to sit down, try to relax and care for her unborn child. It was an accident, cars are fixable or replaceable, people are not.

Dad and Mom arrived, helped me hold Titus, deal with the highway patrol and EMT wait for all the paperwork to be filed, unload my car and then drove us home. Thankfully, they had a car seat in their minivan since ours is now deemed unsafe and must be replaced. They drove us home to be united with Kevin. It was so good to be home and hold my baby close knowing that God's mighty hand of protection had sheltered us.

For now we sit and wait on insurance companies to fix our car or total it, go to doctor's appointments, wait for all the red tape to dissipate, function as a one car family again, and trust God to once again work through all the details.

"God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1