Just One More

Our day's schedule was off a bit, by running errands before the potential snow storm struck our area.  Therefore, lunch and nap time were delayed, but as every parent of a toddler knows even 30 minutes can be enough.

Titus has begun to come up with every reason under the sun to delay nap/quiet time as it is, from going to the bathroom again, to another drink of water, to singing Jesus Love Me "just one more time" or needing to give me "just one more hug and kiss".

I've learned the final hug and kiss though, that ones proves to me much more difficult.  If I let him get "just one more", it turns into a string of a half a dozen requests to give "the last one, okay Mama?" It's such a hard request for me to deny though, I mean honestly to hear my 2 year old practically begging to give me "just one more" hug and kiss....I'm stubborn, but I can't completely ignore these sweet requests.

Today though, I did.  On his second request, I shot him down.

No.

No.

Absolutely no.

Yes, I denied my sweet 2 year old any additional hugs or kisses.

It's a matter of obeying right away.  He knows and understands what no means.  He didn't break down into a fit of hysterics by any means.  He expressed his disappoint and moved on.  I hit the play button on The Little House story CD and tiptoed out of his room offering one more, "I love you", as I quietly closed the door. Soon enough, he was asleep.  I worked on my nap time tasks: dishes, laundry and dinner prep.  Before long my tasks were completed and I readied myself for some personal me time.  My heart stopped as I read about a family whose little boy died at the young age of 5 due to a strange illness.

Just like that.  A life truncated.

My heart broke for this family.  I offered up prayers of peace for this family.  But, my flood of thoughts could not be stopped.  I was overwhelmed with anguish for this family.  Those sweet little hugs and kisses and sticky messes and toys on the floor are a thing of the past for them.

Motherhood has changed me so much, but I can guard my heart very effectively.  I was overwhelmed.  And like a ton of bricks it hit me that I had denied Titus a final hug and kiss.

I was soon descending the stairs with tears in my eyes, the only thing I wanted was my little boy, in my arms.  He continued to sleep as I drew him up out of his crib and carried him to the rocking chair.

I didn't feel guilty for parenting as I saw fit earlier.  I know there isn't anything wrong with my saying no.  I wasn't trying to right a wrong.

I just needed to draw my arms around my little mister man, feel his shallow sleeping breaths continue in rhythm and love on him and memorize the details of his tiny face for a mother who wasn't able.