Blessing #2

Sometimes I wonder what it's like.

What it's like to decide to grow your family and botta-boom, less than a year later there's another delicious baby to hold and love.  A new name added to the Christmas card. Ten more finger nails to clip.

I can't quite wrap my brain around it. It's not how our story has played out, so I wonder. Simple as that. Just like I wonder what it would be like to live in Hawaii or if it's going to rain tonight or what this new year will bring.  I wonder stuff.

I used to be jealous. Oh yes, I was. Wow, she's expecting again? She *just* told me they were hoping to get pregnant soon. Woe is me. When will it be my turn? Where's the chocolate!  Those feelings came from a place of deep sadness, but it doesn't make them ok. Jealousy is a stinker. It steals joy and makes you think crazy things. It's a slippery slope into empty and lonely.  It's wrong and it's yuck. No thanks. Moving on. 

I have no lingering infertility sadness or a desire to give birth that just won't quit. God has poured that out of me and healed me. He has brought adoption into my life and it's the gift that keeps unwrapping itself. Not only does it give Kevin and me the opportunity to be parents, it's also opening my eyes wide to the hurt and the need and the beauty of this world. My heart is in a peaceful place right now and has been in this sweet little space for a while, thanks be to Jesus and all the grace He doles out on me. Clearly, it hasn't always been this way. I used to fret when my ideal family portrait didn't match up with what He was cooking up for us :

Waiting countless years for a kiddo? Fret like a maniac. 

I want to adopt again stat. I don't want to wait. Fret. 

Our kids need to be two years apart. I read in some random magazine that two years is the golden rule of sibling spacing. Fret.

That's not a way to live out this precious life. It's not the way to appreciate all the good staring me in the face and wrapping itself around me. So I'm done with that. God's gifts abound and I'm seeing them. Truly seeing them instead of past them. I take Titus' sweet little face in my hands and smooch him til he wiggles and giggles away. He'll be be three this winter.  And for a year I've fretted, I've worried, I've prayed.  

Maybe there are people who look at me and wonder what it's like to not be able to grow your family when you want to. To need tens and tens of thousands of dollars to do it. To wait and wait and wait without a due date. To grasp a photo in your hand and love a baby born across an ocean. To look into almondy eyes and want to do a backflip because being in love with this child is the best.thing.ever.  To be such a perfectly perfect match must be something. 

If you're wondering, it is. The best kind of something.

After eighteen months of praying and waiting and wondering, and hoping we are pleased to announce that we are once again going back to Taiwan for our next little one.  For a year it seemed as if God was closing one door after another:  THOGL is only helping childless couples, 2012 child advocacy laws in Taiwan slowed adoptions way down, most agencies began shutting down their Taiwan programs due to the confusion of the 2012 laws and changes looming.  But, finally God opened a single door and we are trusting Him and longing to meet and hold our second little blessing.   

So yes, I wonder, but mostly I pray prayers of thanks and tag on extra whispers for our next littles. I'm here and ready when you are. Keep heaping that peace to my heart, Lord. I rest my head on the pillow of God's promises. It's comfy here. I'm content and hopeful. He's got this whole thing covered - something He's proven time and time again. He's the one who hands out the gifts - whether I've hoped for them for a moment or for years. Who better to receive them from?

Our palms are open wide.   

Taiwan Trip Rewind

Taiwan Trip Days 1, 2 & 3 (August 19-21, 2010)

Exactly one year ago today, Kevin and I were on our way to finally meet our Titus Andrew.  Taking in everything that his birth country is.  Loving every second.   I never thought it would take me this long to blog our trip.  There are several factors as to why.  One, we had very limited internet access as well as time while in Taiwan.  Two, I was emotionally and physically overwrought and the very idea of processing and trying to put all we were experiencing into words was just too much. We were just living and taking in the moments as they presented themselves.  I honestly remember the details vividly that it's like it was yesterday...and I'm thankful for the time I've spent reliving and praising God for that special week.

Of course, Titus is the most important reason behind writing these Taiwan Rewind posts.  He won't remember his six months of life and time in Taiwan and so it is my privilege and responsibility to share with him what his daddy and I experienced and saw while we were there.  Because of him, I never want to forget a single detail.  It's his precious story and the journey of a lifetime for our little family.

On August 17th at 2:34 am we received a phone call from Ted Skiles that he would like us to be in Taiwan in two days or in two weeks.  We chose the two days; nothing was going to post-pone me from waiting to hold my little boy another two weeks.  After all my prayer through this entire adoption journey was that I would be able to hold my son, on or before his 6th month birthday.

The funny part of this story is my niece and nephew were staying with us for the week because my sister and brother-in-law had to go back to school as they both work for their town's school district.  When my sister asked if we would be willing I said sure it will be great parenting practice for us.  She then hesitantly asked, "You don't think you'll get a travel call, do you?"  My reply was that at best it would be weeks away.   And God laughed.

On Friday, August 19th Uncle Eric and Aunt Kate came to pick us up and take us to the airport at 6:30 am.  When we pulled away from our home, it was surreal to know that we were leaving as two and coming back as a family of three.  Oh, what a glorious day!

 

We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to check in, pray together, promised to post lots of pictures, gave hugs, talked about the journey that awaited us, and said our good byes.

Kevin and I then sat and waited by ourselves in great anticipation for the journey that awaited us.  Our emotions were high.  We had no idea what awaited us on the other side of the world, but it didn't matter, we were ready.  We had several flights before we would actually be on our way to Taiwan.  Honestly, we would spend most of the day traveling or sitting in airports. And somehow due to the International Dateline we would lose an entire day.  Our trip consisted of traveling from KC to Dallas, Dallas to LA, and finally LA to Taipei. 

Just after 8:30pm we were finally leaving LA and on our way to Taipei.   The 14 hour flight was long, but went well.  EVA Air did an excellent job of taking care of our every need.  We ate some yummy Chinese food, Kevin watched 3 or 4 movies, and I tried to relax.

Every 20 minutes or so I would click my individual flight monitor to see how many miles we had traveled, how many more miles of the 6823 miles we still had to travel, and to watch the progression of our plane over the wide Pacific Ocean.  It helped relieve some of the anxiety in my mama's heart to know how much longer it would be until I was FINALLY in my child's birth country.

I'll never forget the rush of emotions that I had as our plane descended and I got my first peek of Taiwan at 10pm on August 20th (Taiwan time).  It was hard to see much, but this was it.  We meandered our way through customs, thermo scanning, finding our luggage and even stopping to snap a picture or two.  

Finally in the crowd we spotted Ted's smiling face.  What a welcome sight!  We then began our two hour car trip to The Home.  It was midnight when we arrived and we were given what we considered our preview of our precious boy.  It was sooo hard not to reach out and touch and hold him.  

With much restraint we headed to bed.  I attempted to sleep, but knowing that my son was close by, I couldn't.  Finally, I woke Kevin up at 6:15 am and told him it was time to finally go hold our son.  We stayed in the apartment that was about a mile from The Home but that morning that one mile walk seemed to to be ten miles.  Finally we arrived at The Home to find out that Titus was still asleep.  Thankfully though, Bev allowed us to wake him up.  Maybe, my restraint and good behavior the night before helped my case. :)  I felt bad waking Titus up from his peaceful slumber, but my aching arms couldn't take it much longer.  We tiptoed into the nursery and I slowly lifted him from his bed.  He studied us and stared intently at Kevin and me but his overall demeanor was peaceful.  We jumped right in caring for his needs: diaper changing, feeding him breakfast, burping, and rocking him. 

Our hearts were overflowing with love and joy.  We were finally complete.  We had waited so long for this day to come and it had been worth every single struggle.  Titus has always been meant to be our child and we are blessed to be his parents.  Our Father's hand brought us together...only He could of made this happen.  To HIM be the glory!!!! 

6 months ago

We were in Taiwan

I knew very little about it or what life would be like there.
Our son's birth country
90 miles from mainland China
Mandarin Chinese is the national language
A whole different culture
And those were the main things that I knew.
But now, when I think of Taiwan literally thousands of pictures come to mind...

Memories
Faces
Stories
People

The Home that has facilitated in creating many forever families.

 The majesty and beauty of God's creation found in the
marble at Taroko Gorge.

Singing Amazing Grace together with Ted and The Crowdus
in a cave were a secret church met almost 100 years ago.

The largest Taoist temple in Taiwan that overlooks
The Home of God's Love.
Sometimes during the evening and late night hours
we would hear chanting and worshiping.

The streets of Taipei filled with incense, food, and
paper prayer cards
 all to be given to false gods and deceased ancestors
because it was ghost month.

Oh how my heart now breaks for the lost people of Taiwan.
Will they ever know the Truth?
70% Chinese religions (Buddhism/Taoism/Confucianism)
28% nonreligious
2% Evangelical Christians

I also picture the beautiful children at The Home
that have childhoods so different from my own.
Despite the cultural divide and language barriers we found alternative means to communicate
through hugs, tickles, teasing, and playing games.
My life will forever be changed by these beautiful faces.

The love for two people who have taken James 1:27 to heart;

ministering for 42 years in the country of Taiwan

Thank you Ted and Bev!!!

 

Remembering Bev's prayer over Titus 

before we began our long journey home

still makes me weep.

 We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.  

I Thessalonians 1:3

Of course, one of the best moments  is when

my aching arms  finally held my baby boy for the first time. 

Oh the joy and love!