4.24.2012

Happy Referral Day!

Kevin and I, we were that couple. The one left with empty arms and heavy hearts while the rest of the couples of the entire world conceived without even trying and gave birth to baby after baby. At least it seemed that way.

And then we were that couple. The one with a spring in our step and smiles as wide as the sea. We held onto hope like it was a kite bouncing in the wind. With adoption everything is up in the air, so we grabbed on and tilted our faces to the sun, catching a glimpse of the beauty at the end of that long string. We pulled tight and waited nine months to the day.

April 24, 2010 came and hope tagged along for the ride across the world. We received the call and heard the name and held the photos of that tiny babe with dark almond eyes and we fell in love. Hard and fast and something fierce. For the first time in what felt like years, we breathed deep. This little wonder all wrapped up in an outfit of light blue and white was our own. The one we had prayed for all along.

Titus Andrew, in your short little life you have experienced grief and loss; joy and love and by God's grace, love sits on top. Being a part of your story and living this life as your mama is a dream and a gift. Your daddy and I are so very proud of you.

Happy Referral Day!  

4.20.2012

More than enough

Someone asked me the other day if I still had a blog, and I felt something catch in my throat. You see, I love my blog. I love looking back over this amazing journey God has created. I love our little family.  I love looking back on memories and moments.  I love watching my son grow and reliving the little milestones of his life.   Lately, so many things have come in the way of me having time to keep up on here.  I am learning very quickly that raising, training, disciplining, and teaching a child, keeping a home, and having the marriage I desire is no easy feat.  There are just days I can't do it all.

God blessed me with the loves of my life and I need to be there
for him...
 and for him...
Some days I am left wondering am I ever going to be enough...
good enough
wise enough
strong enough
healthy enough
spiritual enough
mothering enough
teaching enough 
organized enough

 Then I'm left with the realization I never will be.

In the still of the morning, as my feet hit the floor and a new day has begun, I seek His face. And I am reminded once again that I don't have to be. Because He is. He is enough.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

So today, I begin anew.  One foot in front of the other, relying on Him, trusting in Him, seeking His face in all I do.  Blog posts may go unwritten, laundry may pile up, dishes may be waiting in the sink, emails may go unanswered for a few days. However, I keep moving forward even when I fail, when things go undone, even when I can't be enough.  Because He never expected me to be perfect. He never expected me to have all of the answers. He never expected me to do it on my own.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  II Corinthians 12:9

4.07.2012

Sniff, sniff...

My baby isn't such a baby anymore!

3.02.2012

Two looks good on you!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe our little mister man is two!  I'm so happy and sad at the same time. I love the little person he's growing up into....but, then I get sad that he's growing so fast. This has been a BIG year of changes for our little guy and we are definitely in full toddler mode. 
The stats:  Titus currently weights 22.4 lbs and is 32 inches tall.  In the last few weeks he has grown out of all of his 12 month clothes.  And this week he outgrew almost all of his 18 month pants.  Whew... He's wearing size 5 shoes and has been for quite awhile, so I suspect we'll be moving to the next size fairly quickly. Currently he is teething.  Those two year molars are a pain.  We've had many meltdowns due to not feeling well and quite often his hands are crammed in his mouth.  Poor baby!
Chatter Box:  I can't even begin to write down all the words Titus says.  His count is in the hundreds. He is very chatty and into repeating anything and everything.  He will continue saying a word until someone has acknowledge his new word.  Most of the time, he will repeat any word you tell him.  It may not be perfect but you can definitely tell what he's trying to say. He is an expert communicator.  He has started to sing multiple songs, The ABC's, Jesus Love Me, The Wheels on the Bus, The B-I-B-L-E.   We sing all of these songs hundreds of times a day.   Just this week he started singing with Daddy and me.  Normally, he likes to be a soloist.  ;)  This has been a fun and new change.  He can pretty much name all vehicles,  (including the different kinds of trucks and construction equipment), all the different animals at the zoo and farm, his body parts, anything related to food (surprise, surprise).  He's putting together simple sentences, "Coming Mommy.", "Daddy pray." "How are you?"  "I need a drink, please."  This has been a lot of fun!  He recently started experimenting with  prepositional words in his vocab which has been interesting.  Oftentimes they are correct, but sometimes they are just funny.  He also says please and thank you.  Bye is very heavy in his vocabulary.  He says bye to everyone and everything.  He also uses bye to let go of something and leave it. Yes, we tell many things bye.
Smarty Pants:  He loves letters!   He's constantly spotting letter on signs, books, trucks, stores and sharing with anyone and everyone what letter(s) he sees.  He recognizes numbers 1-10 and can count to twelve.  He sometimes skips the number 2 but for the most part he has it down.  He can spell and recognize his name.  He recognizes most shapes:  triangle, square, oval, circle, star, heart, wedge, trapezoid, octagon, rectangle, hexagon, and pentagon.  His memory is amazing!  He remembers things that sometimes shocks us.
Mover & Shaker:  He likes to dance.  Put on some peppy music and he will entertain his daddy and me for quite awhile.  He loves music.  And often requests certain songs and music now.  This boy NEVER stops!  Really he loves anything that requires agility.  Climbing equipment and jungle gyms are some of his favorites.  His new fascination is jumping and spinning in circles.  So fun!
Comfort:  The one sure fire way to calm Titus down is to sing Jesus Loves Me to him.  It's worked like a charm since the day we brought him home.  I love the fact that the name of Jesus calms him down and that he has heard His name  and this song since he was a week old at The Home.  
Faves:  His little bear that he's had since he came home is still his favorite.  He always knows where his bear is.  Even though he laid it down several hours earlier or put him inside something generally he can find him again.  He finally named his little bear this past week and he is now known as Mister Bear.  I pray often that we never loose this little bear...what a traumatic day it will be!  His newest craze is Elmo.  We aren't sure how that came into being; those creators are crazy geniuses.  His other faves right now are all trucks especially trash trucks and fire trucks.  We have quite a collection of cars and trucks in our house.  He also still loves books.  We read for hours everyday.  I'm so glad that he has a love for books.  The public library is one of Mommy and Daddy's favorite places!  :)  Drawing has recently become a new activity.  However, he despises coloring in coloring books.  Silly boy!  Give him a blank piece of paper and he'll go to town.  He's definitely a free spirit in the art arena.
 I am really enjoying this stage. It sometimes has it's challenges but overall I am just fascinated how one little boy can be such a baby in some senses, but such a big boy in others.  Usually at the same time.  Some moments I just sit and watch him and am amazed by how these two seemingly distinct beings are inhabiting the same little body.  Everyday brings new milestones, achievements, and challenges.  I wouldn't want to miss any of them and I can't wait to see what the next year brings!
  
Photos captured and created by my friend, Stacy Miller http://shineonphotography.blogspot.com

2.27.2012

The Big Two

Two days ago, Titus turned two.  We set the theme due to Titus' love for the fury red character, Elmo.  We laugh because for a year he has loved Elmo despite the fact that we have never watched Elmo, played with Elmo, or read any Elmo books.  Elmo was only on some of his diapers and I think in passing one day I said that the character was Elmo. Nothing more, not a big deal. However, despite my nonchalant attitude about him, Titus loves Elmo dearly.  He can spot Elmo clear across a store even when Daddy and I can't.  Odd....   So, Daddy and I set about to make his day fun filled and full of Elmo.


Friday, I spent the morning in the kitchen creating an Elmo cake.  I breathed an audible sigh of relief when it was finished and prayed that NOTHING would happen to it between then and Saturday.  Nothing happened to the cake...but...Friday night my camera was dropped and my prime lens will not come off.  I'm so sad.  :(  I love my DSLR camera and can't imagine life with out it.  The prime lens is great for taking portrait pictures but not for party pictures.  So despite my best effort we don't have a lot of great pictures of Titus' day.  But, we have a lot of great fun filled memories! 

It was sad thinking about this being the last time we would put our one year old to bed.  But two is fun too!  He was full of smiles and energy and I'm sure he could sense something fun was brewing in the house.
While he was sleeping we wrapped presents, blew up balloons to fill his room and hung streamers in his doorway.  
After some balloon fun we enjoyed delicious chocolate chip waffles.  Yummy!  He wasn't sure what to think about the candles in his waffles and being sung Happy Birthday, but he was patient with us. 
The rest of the day was filled up and overflowing with all things birthday.  Titus' day was sprinkled with many of his favorites: food, fun, and family. 
Thanks Georgia, for emailing me this wonderful idea for a veggie plate!  
Titus' red envelope filled with a crisp $2 bill
Titus loved his big day and we are so thankful for all our family that came and showered him with lots of love and gifts.  We are blessed!

2.24.2012

From one mother's heart to another

It is the eve before Titus' second birthday and my thoughts are consumed with a young woman who sacrificed and gave us the wonderful blessing of our son.  My heart often aches for this young woman.  A woman of whom we have one small picture and a name but nothing more.  A woman who gave us something that we desired but could not achieve on our own.   A woman whom I have prayed for and thanked God for often.  A woman whom I have never met.  A woman whom I hold so much gratitude for.   A woman who made a choice to give my son life.   A woman who holds a part of my son's DNA as part of her own.

On the eve of our son's birthday I pray for this woman.  I pray that she will know that Titus is unconditionally loved and cared for.  I pray that she will have peace in her decision.  I pray that one day she will know the Prince of Peace.  I pray for healing for her.  I pray for this woman's loss and wish she could know how bright, handsome, and joyful Titus is.  I pray that on Titus' birthday that God will comfort and be by her side and whisper reassurances in her heart and mind from one mother to another.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my son's second birthday.  I will smile a lot.  I will put a candle in the chocolate Elmo cake I will make just for him and watch him blow out the flickering flame.  I will take pictures and gush about how cute he is.  I will do all the things that a mother does on her child's birthday and be thankful for this woman and for her part in who my son is today.

For adoption is filled with both indescribable losses and unending joy.

2.20.2012

Making Music

Today we had the privilege of attending our city's symphony petting zoo.  It was honestly geared for children older than Titus.  But all the same, he enjoyed it a lot!  First we were introduced to each section of the symphony and then each instrument was demonstrated.  What fun!  Titus' eyes quickly lit up as he heard the first stroke of the violin being demonstrated.  After the children heard each instrument, learned a little bit about it, and were shown how to properly handle it they were given the chance to play each one.  Titus loved all the instruments, but his favorite was the violin.  

2.18.2012

Humbled

Many of my experiences in the past week further prove that God uses my child to humble me from time to time and completely draw me out of my comfort zone.  I like to be unseen and unnoticed by the general public; not my son.

My child has rarely ever met a stranger.  He carries on conversations with anyone and everyone who will talk to him or gives him even a tiny dose of attention.  Unless of course, you want him to.  Then he takes a vow of silence. None of the times we were out in public this week were as humbling as when we were at a prenatal imagining clinic.

Side story-my friend Morgan lives over an hour away so when I had the chance to meet up with her this week, I jumped at the opportunity.  Morgan is a kindred spirit of mine.  We share many of the same views on health, parenting, life, etc.  It's always a pleasure to spend time with her and her family.  We met Morgan and her husband, Kevin during one of our adoption classes and found out they too were attempting to adopt from THOGL.  Come to find out, God had different plans for their family and they were pregnant with their little girl, Naomi.

Now back to the story at hand, Morgan is now pregnant with their second little one, hence the prenatal imagining clinic. She kindly welcomed us to come back to the ultrasound room but knowing my little bundle of energy I decided to wait in the waiting room and offered to keep her little girl too.  Naomi sat in her chair and looked at one of Titus' book the entire time her mother was gone and only talked a few times.  Seriously, a perfect little angel.  Now, Titus was not naughty or disobedient he's just well...friendly.

A couple expecting their first bundle of joy walked into the office excited to find out what whether they should buy pink or blue.  Titus was happily sitting next to Naomi reading; until they made the grievous error to initiate conversation with him. Next thing I knew my son was out of his chair, sitting on a stranger's lap, cuddled up against this daddy-to-be's chest, and being read the book "How Much Does God Love You?".   It happened so fast.  I kindly told the man he didn't need to read to my child...really.  He politely responded, "It's okay, I need all the practice I can get.  In a few months I'll have a little one of my own."  Oh my....   Thankfully the couple was very nice, very sweet, very obliging, and very gracious to my little extrovert.  However, I was mortified.  Since Titus has come home I have been drawn into more conversations with strangers than I care to count; whether by his initiation or theirs.

The man read in a loud boisterous voice to Titus declaring over him how much God loved him.  The woman sitting next to her husband looked as uncomfortable as I felt during my son's charade.  But, neither Titus nor the man seemed uncomfortable and both seemed to be in their natural element.  As the book droned on I felt God giving me a sense of peace that someone was hearing this little children's book that needed to.  God bless my little boy who is proud to boldly share the love and truth of God.  Once again, I feel like my son sometimes teaches me more than I teach him.

* Please keep Morgan, Kevin, Naomi, and their unborn little one in prayer as she was just placed on bed rest this week indefinitely.

2.13.2012

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow...

I love snow days!  There's nothing better than watching snow fall slowly and peacefully, covering the ground in a blanket of white.  I also love what snow days bring: staying at home, enjoying yummy soup, hot drinks, cuddling with family, and curling up together reading books.  And, oh yes, going out and enjoying some snow fun.   Sign me up for snow days any day!  This year has been a bit disappointing for a snow lover like myself-we have had none, zip, zilch, zero.  But, we finally had our first small bit of snow and the best part of the snow fun this year, was that Titus loved the snow.  This snow loving mama is so happy!  

1.23.2012

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Or 
 Or
Happy Chinese New Year!

 Ushering in the year of the dragon.
An amazing dragon cake made by another HOGL family.
Once again this year we drove a couple of hours to celebrate the new year with other HOGL families. It is truly a blessing to get together with these families every year to celebrate our chlidrens' heritage, what God has done in our individual families, and pray for Ted and Bev.  For without their servant hearts' none of this would be.  We are blessed!


Since the celebration is in the same town that Uncle Braden, Aunt Clarissa, and Cousins Hadley and Braxton live, we spent the weekend enjoying some time together.  They too attended CNY.  We are thrilled that once again they have chosen to help us celebrate Titus' heritage.  Braxton and Hadley always seem to have a great time playing with all the other children, making crafts and trying new food.  I was so busy talking and catching up that I failed to take a lot of pictures.  Oops!  :(
Auntie C helping Titus with his dragon craft
B&T playing in a tunnel
Hadley's completed dragon